Get your mind out of the gutter! That is not what I am talking about! I am talking about the grocery store. As an life long hater of seafood of all types, the last thing I want to smell when I finally break down and go to the grocery store is fish! This is a dilemna when the best grown up gorcery store near your house has a fresh fish section. Damn eating healthy, fish smells and I just don't want to smell it anymore!
For anyone paying any attentionto my facebook posts, you know I hate the grown up grocery store. Now, I must define grown up grocery store I suppose. First sign you are in a grown up grocery store is that you had to walk more than 10 feet from where you parked your car to the front door. This in itself is an acceptable trait. The second sign you are in a grown up grocery store is you have to go to the furthest corner from the front door to buy your quart of milk. If they do not have quart size cartons of milk, that is part B of sign number two you are in a grown up grocery store. Grown up grocery stores do not have small portions of anything, Single serrve is not in their inventory list. Unless you are talking ice cream - then you have about a zillion varieties tochose from. Now, for the ordinary grown up this great selection would be wonderful, however, I am no ordinary grown up. I really do not care for ice cream. If you had a zillion varieties of sherbet, we can talk!
Sign number three you are in a grown up grocery store, you run in for ten things and end up spending $100.00. Seriously, how do they does that happen? The forth sign you are in a grown up grocery store; the check out lanes. Obviously there are about 30 lanes, 3 are manned with actual live bodied people and 4 are lanes you can check yourself out under the watchful eye of the neighborhood high school superstar. Of the lanes with live bodies, the lines are about 5 people deep with the cashier both ringing and bagging. When it finally is your turn, you had the cashier your savings card and your coupons and you hope like hell you have enough money now that you have about 50 more items than the original 10 you came in for.
Sign number five you are in a grown up grocery store. Perhaps this is the most forwarning of all signs. Of the 10 items you came into get, you got two. Among the things your forgot, toilet paper, cheese and toothpaste. At this point, do you go back & get what you need or do you say screw it knowing you will drive by the local corner store on your way home and can pick up those other eight things? Me? Screw it! The corner store it is!
There is just one more sign you shopped at the grown up grocery store. Big sign number six. This sign is perhaps not forwarning but on a scale of one to ten both amusing and frightening. After spending your $100 at the grown up grocery store on your way home you stop at Taco Bell and get dinner -because face it, after the stress of the grown up gorcery store, who wants to cook?
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