The Seven Year Itch

At some point growing up I learned the phrase 'Seven Year Itch'  I learned it in the context of marriage and after seven years couples can get bored with each other and want to scratch some itches.  Eyes wander, people stray, the potential for divorce becomes more likely. 

I realized earlier this month that I have owned my house for seven years.  The longest I have lived anywhere since I was thirteen.  I was thirteen in 1983.  You can do the math and see that that is quite a block of time. 

I have decided my house has 'the seven year itch' and is trying to break up with me.  I am going to let it.  Sometimes, when a relationship is over, it is best for both parties to walk away.  Well, my significant other is a house and can not physically walk away, I am going to do the stepping for it.  It officially will go on the market September first of this year. 

I can give you a list (a list from me? shocked I know) of the reasons this relationship is not working out.  Reason number one, I like to have a life.  The thought of staying home and doing yard work just makes me want to sink into a fluffy chair and take a nap, or tie a ribbon in my hair, call some friends and make a party.  The thought of giving up social hour or nap time for yard work is just an unrealistic goal.  Even as I am typing I should be out helping my yard have some curb appeal before I try to sell it. 
Reason number two - I do not care how new the house is, how it looks to be in great shape, it is a money pit that will suck every last dollar from your savings and then some.  If you are not a handy person, or you try to be but end up with broken thumbs, pulled muscles, a lung infection, cuts in weird places and bruises down the middle of your head then you are destined to hire out.  Hiring out is never ever cheap.  EVER.

Reason number three - A washing machine can cause a lot of interference in a relationship and while it is never good to point fingers while determining blame, a washing machine that decides to dump about 1500 gallons of water in your basement can cause permanent damage to a house/owner relationship.

I should have known this relationship wasn't meant to be when after only a couple of months in to the relationship a fire happened to kill some landscaping and a bird flew in the closet through a hole in the roof, my sidewalk broke and my garage hit my truck...three times.  All of these are signs.

While all of these milestones in my house/owner relationship have taught me valuable lessons and while the house now has a new roof, new windows, new furnace, new carpet in the basement, and new landscaping this only adds to the face value of the house being a good partner and leaves me feeling like the failure.  I look at it this way, I made the house relationship ready for the next fool owner.

It's not me, it's you..house.

If it smells like fish, there is something wrong

Get your mind out of the gutter!  That is not what I am talking about!  I am talking about the grocery store.  As an life long hater of seafood of all types, the last thing I want to smell when I finally break down and go to the grocery store is fish!  This is a dilemna when the best grown up gorcery store near your house has a fresh fish section.  Damn eating healthy,  fish smells and I just don't want to smell it anymore!

For anyone paying any attentionto my facebook posts, you know I hate the grown up grocery store.  Now, I must define grown up grocery store I suppose.  First sign you are in a grown up grocery store is that you had to walk more than 10 feet from where you parked your car to the front door.  This in itself is an acceptable trait.   The second sign you are in a grown up grocery store is you have to go to the furthest corner from the front door to buy your quart of milk.  If they do not have quart size cartons of milk, that is part B of sign number two you are in a grown up grocery store.  Grown up grocery stores do not have small portions of anything,  Single serrve is not in their inventory list.  Unless you are talking ice cream - then you have about a zillion varieties tochose from.  Now, for the ordinary grown up this great selection would be wonderful, however, I am no ordinary grown up.  I really do not care for ice cream.  If you had a zillion varieties of sherbet, we can talk!

Sign number three you are in a grown up grocery store, you run in for ten things and end up spending $100.00.  Seriously, how do they does that happen?  The forth sign you are in a grown up grocery store; the check out lanes.  Obviously there are about 30 lanes, 3 are manned with actual live bodied people and 4 are lanes you can check yourself out under the watchful eye of the neighborhood high school superstar.  Of the lanes with live bodies, the lines are about 5 people deep with the cashier both ringing and bagging.  When it finally is your turn, you had the cashier your savings card and your coupons and you hope like hell you have enough money now that you have about 50 more items than the original 10 you came in for. 

Sign number five you are in a grown up grocery store.  Perhaps this is the most forwarning of all signs.  Of the 10 items you came into get, you got two.  Among the things your forgot, toilet paper, cheese and toothpaste. At this point, do you go back & get what you need or do you say screw it knowing you will drive by the local corner store on your way home and can pick up those other eight things?  Me?  Screw it!  The corner store it is!

There is just one more sign you shopped at the grown up grocery store.  Big sign number six.  This sign is perhaps not forwarning but on a scale of one to ten both amusing and frightening.  After spending your $100 at the grown up grocery store on your way home you stop at Taco Bell and get dinner -because face it, after the stress of the grown up gorcery store, who wants to cook?

Lists

Today I find myself wanting to say about a million things.  It starts with a wish list of all the things I wish I had and all the things I wish I could change.  Of course, the list of things I wish I could change is entirely up to me.  I can change those….I am just too lazy.  Apparently this is going to end up as a list of things I list; therefore making it a list in and of itself.

I wish people would use their blinkers.  I drive the freeway a lot.  A LOT.  I like to be nice to merging traffic, if they are nice to me.  To be nice to me, all you have to do is use your blinker and not come to a complete stop at the beginning of the entrance ramp and sit there letting traffic pile up behind you.  You have a whole lane to work with – you work with it, I will work with you.  As long as you use your blinker J .

I have a list of blog ideas on my iPhone.  I also have a list of titles for chapters if I ever write a book.  I never thought of myself as a list person.  I guess I am.  I could list all the ways to get out of yard work in one year.  I could list all the reasons not to buy a house. I could list all the reasons to buy a house. Apparently I am in the mood to list all the things I could list about.

Nice?  That word sure can start a rant all on its own.  Maybe another day?  What is wrong with being nice?  This means I now have started a list of single words that can trigger an emotion.

Someone today told me they have migraines that are triggered by guitar solos.  I couldn’t imagine.  I couldn’t imagine not listening to some of my favorite people & bands because they have too many guitar solos.  The list of who I would miss would be endless.  Starting with Lyden Moon, Joe Satriani, Steve Ray Vaughn…and those are just guitarists… Could you imagine if I have to include Van Halen, Metallica, Quiet Riot or Ozzy in the no play list?  Death would surely be near.

A list of songs that are “grrr” songs.  Or angry songs. Not because I am angry or because the songs themselves are angry but because they just encourage release.   Some artists on the list include Evanescence, Breaking Benjamin, Marilyn Manson. Motorhead and MegaDeath.

A list of travel songs.  Songs you can not hit the road without.  Or songs when you hear them make you want to hit the road.  Kenny Chesney’s Road and the Radio is the top of this list. 

I have a list of pass codes into people’s garages.  I guess people trust me.

I have a list of qualities of a perfect man for me.  It is a short list.  Be nice to me (there is that nice word again) and have a job.  I guess this is too much to ask because I have a list of guys who don’t make the list.

I have a list of things I want to buy.  What person doesn’t?  It starts with a gun.  I of course have a list of reasons I want a gun.

I have a list of people I could not live without.  And of course a list of those I could.

I have a list of books & movies that are must sees and must reads for everyone.

I have a list of why it is okay to like bad movies.   

This temporarily concludes my list of lists.

Everyone has an asshole side....

So I have a crush on you.  Even if you do not crush back, please be who you are.  I started crushing on you when you didn't know I was looking so why change who you are because you found out I was looking?    I want to get to know who you are when you are being who you are.  I even want to get to know the asshole in you.  I think of it as character.  

Someone once told me I shouldn’t have a crush on them because they were an asshole.  I can live with an asshole that knows they are an asshole.  That didn’t change my mind, I still have a crush.

It does pose a dilemma though.  Why be an asshole for no reason except to prove you are an asshole.  I mean really?  That is pretty much an asshole move.  If in any status quo situation all is good & no assholes are showing their asshole-ness; why suddenly would you decide to be an asshole?  If it was just so you can prove to me you are an asshole that is a pretty asshole move.