The Art of Being Shy

Being shy is a skill.  It is an art.  I am skilled at this art.  If they gave out awards for shyness, I would win first place.  I am not sure where the awkward shyness came from but it is here.  I am trying to over come it but it doesn’t seem to be working.  If it worked, I wouldn’t need to be someone’s shadow when I am out.  If it worked I could do a presentation in front of my co-workers without getting nervous.  If it worked, I could call someone on the phone instead of using email.  I need some help on this one.   If I wasn’t so shy it would not have taken me eight years to tell the man I have a crush on, that I have a crush on him.  If I wasn’t so shy, I wouldn’t over hear comments like, “hey look it’s Sue and she isn’t with (insert name of person I shadow A LOT here).  She actually came alone”!  If I wasn’t so shy, I would tell people that I have a blog and they should read it.

More proof of my shyness?  Halloween, 2007 or 8, I decide to go as a chicken.  People say on Halloween you dress as your alter ego without even knowing it.  My alter ego is apparently a chicken.  I think that was my alter ego's way of saying I am shy. Still need more proof?  My favorite animal/reptile/collectible is a turtle.  I have four turtles tattooed on my foot.  Why a  turtle?  Because they can go into their shell when they feel the need to be safe.  The ultimate move of a shy person.

People that really know me know I am this shy.  People who first meet me probably wouldn’t notice because if I really met someone new it is because I am with all my friends and very comfortable. 

Being shy sucks.  Perhaps, I am too self conscious, not too shy.  Or are they the same?  Merriam-Webster defines shy as 1. Easily frightened, timid 2. Disposed to avoid a person or thing, 3. Hesitant in committing oneself, 4. Reserved, 5. Secluded, hidden.  All of those don’t fit me, do they?  Timid yes, reserved, yes, secluded, maybe?  Disposed to avoid?  Is that the same as passive-aggressive?  I am definitely passive aggressive, but I think that goes hand in hand with shyness.

Back to Merriam-Webster for a definition of self-conscious.  Conscious of one’s own acts or states as belonging to originating in oneself: aware of oneself as an individual.  Talk about using a word to define a word…I thought we learned not to do that in third grade.  I don’t think it is self-consciousness. 
I am not sure what to make of my shyness.  I don't think I was always this way?  My brother used to call me a social butterfly.  Social butterflies are not shy, are they?