The Art of Being Shy

Being shy is a skill.  It is an art.  I am skilled at this art.  If they gave out awards for shyness, I would win first place.  I am not sure where the awkward shyness came from but it is here.  I am trying to over come it but it doesn’t seem to be working.  If it worked, I wouldn’t need to be someone’s shadow when I am out.  If it worked I could do a presentation in front of my co-workers without getting nervous.  If it worked, I could call someone on the phone instead of using email.  I need some help on this one.   If I wasn’t so shy it would not have taken me eight years to tell the man I have a crush on, that I have a crush on him.  If I wasn’t so shy, I wouldn’t over hear comments like, “hey look it’s Sue and she isn’t with (insert name of person I shadow A LOT here).  She actually came alone”!  If I wasn’t so shy, I would tell people that I have a blog and they should read it.

More proof of my shyness?  Halloween, 2007 or 8, I decide to go as a chicken.  People say on Halloween you dress as your alter ego without even knowing it.  My alter ego is apparently a chicken.  I think that was my alter ego's way of saying I am shy. Still need more proof?  My favorite animal/reptile/collectible is a turtle.  I have four turtles tattooed on my foot.  Why a  turtle?  Because they can go into their shell when they feel the need to be safe.  The ultimate move of a shy person.

People that really know me know I am this shy.  People who first meet me probably wouldn’t notice because if I really met someone new it is because I am with all my friends and very comfortable. 

Being shy sucks.  Perhaps, I am too self conscious, not too shy.  Or are they the same?  Merriam-Webster defines shy as 1. Easily frightened, timid 2. Disposed to avoid a person or thing, 3. Hesitant in committing oneself, 4. Reserved, 5. Secluded, hidden.  All of those don’t fit me, do they?  Timid yes, reserved, yes, secluded, maybe?  Disposed to avoid?  Is that the same as passive-aggressive?  I am definitely passive aggressive, but I think that goes hand in hand with shyness.

Back to Merriam-Webster for a definition of self-conscious.  Conscious of one’s own acts or states as belonging to originating in oneself: aware of oneself as an individual.  Talk about using a word to define a word…I thought we learned not to do that in third grade.  I don’t think it is self-consciousness. 
I am not sure what to make of my shyness.  I don't think I was always this way?  My brother used to call me a social butterfly.  Social butterflies are not shy, are they?
 

More than one best freind works for me

I remember once my brother telling me I could not have more than one best friend.  I remember arguing with him about it then and I stand by my argument now.  I firmly believe a person can have more than one best friend.  I am lucky enough to have three.  Each of my three best friends is best for different reasons at different times for different purposes.  While all three are significantly different, all three has similar morals, faiths and basic decency.  They are all a part of me.  Each one of them adds something to my personal life and makes me who I am.

Here is why they are best – in no particular order (or order of length I have known them).

Best friend number one.  He is the sole reason I believe men & women can be friends.  We are friends at the deepest level.  At times, he is my conscience, my guide and my protector.  He tends to know better than I that something is “up” with me.  He notices when I change hair colors.   He is the constant make you think and laugh freind.

Best friend number two.  She has been around the block.  She is older, has a different view on life and is so different now than when we first met.  She is the married, reserved and balanced one.  She is loving and kind and protective to a fault.  She never hesitates to tell me when I am wrong or doing the wrong thing – yet she let’s me fail on my own with out saying I told you so.  We can talk about anything, and usually do.  We may go weeks or months without talking but I know we can pick up right where we left off with out skipping a step.  She is the hang out at home and laugh all night friend.

Best friend number three, the newest addition to my collection.  She taught me how to make a fist.  She is tough & strong and sensitive all at the same time.  She is courageous and fun and is never a cause for drama.   She is the youngest of my friends and is most like me.  We have more in common that BFF’s 1 & 2 yet we are also the most different.  She is the hang out at home, head to the bar or hit a concert but always laugh friend.

All of my best friends are my bests for a reason.  I love them all with all of my heart and if I don’t get to see them or talk to them it hurts down deep.  I miss them.  Without the influence of these three and the many other best friends of the past, I would not be who I am today. I am grateful to them all.